A Trip to the Zoo
by TheMarvelousAsgardian
Summary: All the animals at the zoo got loose and ate all the concessions (they're very, very hyper). So of course the Avengers are called to handle them. Because who else would be able to wrestle a bear back into its cage?
1. Chapter 1

The Avengers, eight in total, were sitting around the coffee table, being very bored and such and arguing about what the heck they should do with themselves, when they got the phone call.

"H-hello? I-is, is this th-the Avengers?"

Thor picked up the phone.

"Greetings, Midgardian. You have indeed contacted the Avengers? What predicament do you find yourself in, mortal?"

Tony rolled his eyes at Thor's Asgardian talk, but at a glance (or maybe it was a death glare) from Natasha, he _politely_ said nothing.

"Five bucks says it's another bank robbery," whispered Clint.

Nat smirked back at him. "Deal"

Others were also making bets around the table, with a high of twenty-five bucks at stake.

"C-can you g-guys get down here r-right now?"

"Where is that exactly, good sir?"

"The z-zoo, oh n-noble… _Hank, how do you address an Avenger? …_ y-your majesty…"

"Oh, no need for formalities such as those, dear man. Have you been robbed?"

"N-not quite. S-some h-h-hooligan set all th-the animals l-loose."

"And you need us to apprehend the foul villain!"

"N-no. W-we've got the m-man. W-we need you t-to get the a-animals b-b-back in their c-cages. If y-you could…s-sir."

Money changed hands.

"Th-the zoo h-has been secured, s-so n-none of them h-have escaped… Th-they're j-just very, very w-wild."

"Many thanks for the call, good sir, we will be over as soon as we are able. May the all the luck in Valhalla be with you."

The line went dead.

"Are you sure about zis?" asked Wanda. "I think ve are better at catching robbers…"

"No no, zister Wanda, remember ze time Father's pony farm got loose in Sokovia? Ve handled zat very well."

"Oh, ya ya. Zat vas exciting. Ve only let three people get trampled. And zey vere not hurt _too_ badly…"

"Well, um, I guess that settles it!" said Tony. "Off to the zoo then!"

"Oh dear," Bruce moaned.

A few dozen complaints and minutes later, they were outfitted and off in the Avengers minivan (the zoo was too close to take the jet) onto the streets of New York. Steve was driving (because he was more responsible about these sorts of things) and both Tony and Natasha called shotgun, then arm wrestled for it. So Tony sat in the back between Bruce and Thor and Clint and the twins took the middle.

"Oh wait a second," said Tony. "Aren't zoo animals usually calm and sleepy and stuff? Can't their zookeepers handle them?

"Usually yes," Steve replied. "But Fury gave me some extra information. Apparently while the keepers were all hung up grabbing the perpetrator, the animals ate all of the candy and stuff lying around at the zoo. So now they're very, very hyper zoo animals."

"How wonderful..."

And that's when they hit traffic.

 **I'll get the second chapter up soon! Any specific animals you'd like me to try and work in? (Aside from the usual - y'know, elephants, lions, tigers, bears, oh my, etc.)**


	2. Chapter 2

The unstoppable, mighty Avengers, who had by this point saved the world countless times, were stuck. The minivan came to a halt, swamped in traffic as far as the eye could see. And was moving. Forward. At the pace of. A really slow. Unmotivated. Snail. With the flu.

Bruce started whistling. Natasha groaned.

"I spy…. With my little eye…" said Tony. "Something…"

Natasha groaned louder.

"Green."

"That car over there?"

"No."

"That bumper sticker."

"Nope."

"Um…. That little flower bobblehead in the blue car fifteen places down!"

"No, Clint, how can you even see that?"

"Ze trees?"

"Correct! Ok, Wanda's turn!"

"Really, Tony? The _trees_? You couldn't come up with _anything_ better? _Anything_?"

"Uhhhhh….."

"Vait! Is my turn! I sigh-"

"Spy."

"Right. I spy with my little eye… Somethink…. Red!"

"That car over there?"

"No."

"That flower?"

"No."

"Tasha's hair?"

"No, silly. Her 'air is not really red!"

"Grrrrrrr… Alright, we're changing games now!"

"I think we could walk faster than this car is going."

"Could we?"

"I dunno. Pietro, you wanna see how close we are?"

"Okey doke!"

Pietro zipped out of the van and zipped between the cars in a blue flash. A few seconds later, he was back.

"Is not far."

The Avengers all nodded, stepped out of the van, and began walking through cars. They soon came upon another problem. Avengers fans were suddenly leaping out of cars everywhere to get a glimpse of their heroes. Finally, after a little _persuasion_ from Natasha, the people were all in their cars and the Avengers were on their way to the zoo.


	3. Chapter 3

Shouts and squeals of animals came from inside the zoo, while the Avengers hesitantly stood outside.

Well," said Steve. "Here goes nothing!" And he opened the gate.

Right as a screeching bald eagle flew into his face. "IT IS THE VOICE OF FREEDOM!" he shouted, and chased after it, shouting things about patriotism.

All around them was a scene of ultimate chaos. A rhino was munching on some cotton candy. A lion was slowly munching on something that looked very pigeon-like. A bear was trying to squeeze itself into the snake tank. And everything that wasn't out and about was in something else's cage.

Tony slowly opened his suitcase and suited up. "Hopefully this should be quick. Thor, grab Meow Meow. Clint, Nat, well, you guys know what to do, and Twins…." He looked sidelong at Pietro and Wanda, who froze in mid-bite of their cotton candy. "No goofing off. Bruce, stay calm and stand by for now. I'll let you know if you're needed. Now let's go get some animals!"

They all parted ways along different paths of the zoo.

Meanwhile, Steve was still chasing the bald eagle and trying to appeal to it. It sat on a pole very high up and stared back at the Captain, who was unable to reach it.

"I shall call you Washington! C'mere bud! Now how do you attract the symbol of freedom? …. Aha! … OOOOOHHHH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEEE! Please come down… BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIIIIIIIIGHT! Pretty please? WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAAAAIIIIIIILED! I have food! AT THE TWILIGHT'S LAST GLEAMING?"

Washington gave Steve a quizzical look, but once the singing patriot pulled out a donut (from his breakfast, with red, white, and blue sprinkles of course) the bird came down and perched on Steve's shoulder while nibbling the treat.

"Hooray! One down…." Steve surveyed the area around him, still swarming with animals.

"And a bunch to go…"

"AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!" Steve jumped at the scream from one of his companions, and ran off to help, with Washington on his shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

**Apologies in advance for the placement of the animal cages. I'm not using a zoo map or anything so I don't really know where things are supposed to be, and I wasn't really thinking through the layout of the zoo or anything, so there might be some placement of cages that doesn't always follow usual zoo rules like the whole organization by habitat thing. Sorry again. Maybe you can just think of it as a zoo with some really weird owners who decided to mix things up a bit... Anyways, hope you like the next chapter!**

Tony was ready to face whatever came at him. After all, these were only animals. And he had a metal suit. There was no way anything could go wrong. He would just blast some things and scare the animals back in their cages. No problamo. Tony was the man. He could handle anything.

And that's when the lion came hurling at him.

"AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!" he courageously screamed while hurling the lion off and running for his life.  
"JARVIS, power up the blasters pleasepleasepleasehurryI'mgonnadie!"

"Sir, I believe the keepers wanted the animals back in their cages, not dead."

"IT'LL STILL BE IN ITS CAGE! LET ME BLAST IT AND THEN I'LL DRAG IT BACK! NO ONE'LL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE THEY SLEEP ALL THE TIME ANYWAY! HURRY JARVIS HURRY IT'S CATCHING UP!"

"I do not advise this, sir."

"Can't I just singe his mane a little?"

"No."

Tony pouted. "Fine." He turned around to face the beast when-

SLAM!

There was Steve, smacking the lion in the nose with the flat part of his shield. The lion dropped unconscious to the ground. A bald eagle flew over and landed on his shoulder as he triumphantly stood over the fallen cat. Tony pouted some more. Steve slowly dragged the animal to its cage and walked back over as Tony began complaining.

"Aw, come on, I had that! You can take care of yourself, alright Capsicle?"

"Uh-huh. You know you had your suit speakers on, right? And I saw all that beautiful running away you were doing. Yeah, Tony, you were totally handling that." Steve smiled a little too smugly and raised one of his eyebrows.

"I was psyching him out, y'know? Make him think he's winning and then turn around and BAM! Off with his head. Um, figuratively of course… But fine then, Mr. Patriotic, how about you handle _this_?"

Steve held up his shield to hit whatever Tony was going to blast him with when he got bowled over. By Thor. Wresting a bear. In a tutu. Steve decided not to ask, but instead stood and ran to help, but was stopped by a cry from Thor.

"Halt, good Captain! This beast and I are engaged in a contest of honor! To accept aid would be to forfeit and be forever shamed!"

"Um, why the tutu, buddy?" shouted Tony.

"'Twas a blessing dropped upon me from the heavens by a white winged angel! I wear this frilly apparel to appease the gods who gifted me with it!"

"So a loose dove dropped a tutu on his head so he's wearing it now?" Tony whispered to Steve. Steve nodded slowly back, both Avengers watching the scene unfold before their eyes in stunned silence.

"So, beast, you dare to challenge me? I am Thor, Prince of Asgard, defender of Midgard, protector of the Rainbow Bridge…" he continued listing his titles as the bear roared in response. They wrestled on the ground, fierce and violent, with power radiating from each, until… The bear's claw snagged Thor's tutu.

"AAAAHHHHH! MY BLESSING! YOU HAVE MARRED MY GIFT FROM THE WARRIORS OF VALHALLA! YOU SHALL PAY, BEAST!"

Thor pushed suddenly, gaining new strength through his ripped tutu, and slowly began pushing the bear backwards. Tony and Steve suddenly noticed that the bear's cage was nearby and began frantically pointing in that direction. Thor ignored them, and slowly backed the angry bear into the wolves' area. Thankfully, no wolves were residing there at the moment, as they were out rampaging cotton candy stands. Thor slammed the door of the cage.

"Well done, beast. You were a worthy opponent. You only need have more respect for god-blessed items." Thor fingered the rip in his tutu while the bear moaned.

"Great," said Tony. "Now we just need to get the bear out of there and into its own cage."

Thor smiled proudly, oblivious to the fact that he had just caused more work for everyone, began strolling off to find more animals. Washington the eagle screeched, fluttered over to Steve's other shoulder, and he and Tony began discussing how to deal with the bear.

 **I'll try and update again soon, and I'm still taking animal suggestions if you have any! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

"'Ey! Brother Pietro! C'mere!" Wanda stood peering at an animal's information sign as the speedy Avenger rushed to join her.

"'Cheetah. Ze fastest land animal in ze vorld.' Interesting…"

"Vat are you thinking brother?"

"Vell, are humans not also animals? According to friend Stark's 'science'?"

The twins looked over at each other and shared a grin, followed by a speed tour of the park to find the cheetah, Pietro carrying Wanda. They passed Clint and Natasha handling an elephant, Thor wrestling a bear, and Tony running from a lion along the way, but didn't stop. Pietro had a record to break.

Finally, they located the animal, and Bruce, who was trying to coax it over to him with cotton candy.

"C'mon buddy, you need to get back home now…"

The cat swiped its paw defiantly.

"Greetings, friend Bruce! Ve are here to assist you vith ze speedy von."

"Vait, zister… I though _I_ vas ze speedy von."

"Zat is vhy ve are here, is it not? VE VILL FIGURE OUT ZE TRUE SPEEDY VON!" Wanda shouted at the sky. Bruce was startled, dropping the cotton candy.

"Ze race vill go from here, to…." She hesitated, not having thought that through, but Bruce who had finally caught on, and had an idea, took over.

"The race will start here and go full circuit around the zoo. The first one into the cheetah pen is the fastest land animal… Except… Our cheetah friend doesn't seem very active right now…"

The cheetah by now had lain down and was licking its paws with amusement as he watched the three stupid humans trying to figure out how to get him to move.

"I can do zat," said Wanda, turning to face the big cat, red tendrils spilling out of her fingers and into the animal's head. The cheetah immediately jumped up, shaking, and began running at full speed.

"Onyourmarkgetsetgo!" yelled Wanda.

"'Ey!" shouted Pietro. "Zat's cheating!" And dashed off after it.

And didn't look where he was going. And crashed into a tutu-ed Thor.

"Greetings, man of speed," the god rumbled. "Do you know where I might find something to repair this garment?"

"Oh, dear," Pietro muttered. "Even Wanda doesn't have zat bad of fashion sense, and she makes zome terrible choices sometimes…"

"It was a gift from the warriors of Valhalla. They sent a bird of snow to…"

He trailed off, realizing Pietro had run away while he was talking.

Pietro kept running, the cheetah now in sight, when he skidded to a halt in front of the oddest scene. A floating bear. Well, not exactly. There was a bear, with a rope around its waist, being very slowly flown by Iron Man, who was struggling to lift the rope and carry the bear into its cage while Captain America was pushing the floating bear from behind.

The cheetah! Pietro had almost forgotten, dashing off yet again, a blue trail behind him. Yes, he should probably help his teammates, but this was serious. A matter of Sokovian pride.

"YAY SOKOVIA!" he shouted, as he spotted the cat in front of him – almost into the cheetah pen - and dove on top of it, shoving it backwards as he tumbled across the finish line and into his sister.

"Go, brother, gooooo…..WAAAAAAHHHHH!" shouted Wanda as she was tackled to the ground, and as she in turn fell into Bruce. The three lay in a heap on the ground as the cheetah walked over and began licking them.

Bruce slowly untangled himself from the heap, dragged the twins out of the pen, and shut the cage door.

"I am thinking friend Steven and friend Stark could use some assistance," Pietro nodded his head in the direction of the floating bear, and the three walked off to help out, but not before Pietro had grabbed a marker from a nearby store and made a few modifications to the cheetah's sign.

 _Quicksilver: The fastest land animal in the world._


End file.
